Genter crafted a co-ownership agreement out of necessity because most of his clients’ capital was in the $15 million firm. An acrimonious battle over dividing this valuable asset would have jeopardized the entire business. Still, the plan’s success hinged on a greater challenge for the couple: the ability to overcome their differences and cultivate a civil business partnership after severing their personal one. Too often, Genter sees a divorce sour communications, which leads to poor business and investment decisions based on resentment and anger. "The biggest mistake we see is when someone is embittered and decides to sell out of everything," Genter says.

Many divorcing couples intend to maintain a convivial relationship after dissolution of marriage, but intense negotiations and emotional pain often lead to lasting acrimony—particularly in entrepreneurial families whose personal and business affairs are complicated and interlinked. Fear and anger can drive some spouses to rush through negotiations in an attempt to end agonizing debates as quickly as possible. Teresa Dentino, founder of theFinancial411 and a financial consultant in Woodside, Calif., coaches affluent women through the financial analysis associated with divorce. She urges them to slow down. "It’s the biggest financial transaction most women will ever make in their lifetime in a high-net-worth situation," Dentino says.

The first step involves education. Dentino encourages her clients to track their family finances. Many times, the so-called nonmoneyed spouse lacks knowledge about household income, assets and even expenses. This creates problems for everyone because the nonmoneyed spouse may suspect the spouse is hiding assets. "If you don’t know, you’re negotiating in the dark," she says.

One of Dentino’s clients, the wife of a CEO, knew her husband earned a substantial income that supported overseas vacations and well-appointed homes. But she had no idea that they were worth $14 million, Dentino recalls. Such lack of information often contributes to a fear among affluent women that they will become bag ladies, Dentino says. She helps them overcome this anxiety by estimating their postdivorce costs and establishing a dollar range—from a baseline amount that would cover necessities to a top-line number representing everything the client wants. Parsing these numbers builds confidence and helps during negotiations.

"This is a jaw-dropper: how much it’s costing for the overhead of their basic lifestyle. They have no idea; maybe it takes $25,000 a month," Dentino says. "And in some cases, they have a whole new appreciation of their spouse."

Three years ago, when Dentino’s client Patty (who asked that her last name not be published) was divorcing her CEO husband of 27 years, she had been completely unfamiliar with their family finances. With Dentino’s help, she mastered the financial basics, enrolled in computer classes and took charge of creating a balanced investment portfolio. Dentino walked her through refinancing a mortgage on the San Francisco–area house that she received as part of the settlement and encouraged her to locate and comprehend financial and investment statements.

"If you don’t have those skills, you don’t survive very well," Patty says. "When I began my conversation with the attorney, I started with the phone calls and the faxes, and by the time we were done, I was emailing. It was a progression."